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Snow Flurries
by Thyme Plummer-Krause, grade 5, Moretown Elementary School
Teacher: Mike Close

Comment to the Composer by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Thyme,

Thanks for posting the first version of your quartet for flute and string trio. Not only is this a good instrumental combination, but you have made a strong start. Your opening flute melody is very effective (I especially like your use of dotted eighth and sixteenth combinations in the second statement) and I like your pizzicato cello line.

I'm going to answer your request, but indirectly. You want to know some ways to keep the piece going without destroying the rhythms you've created and introducing new ones. It seems to me that so far you have LOTS of material in your first 14 bars and I wouldn't be in a hurry to add new material but would concentrate on what you have already. In fact, I think the piece would benefit from spreading things out a bit more. Right now the piece begins to go all-out at bar 10 and there's a lot of material to take in, too much in fact. I'd suggest that you concentrate on the lovely flute melody and try to keep the accompaniment as simple as possible. The pizz. cello part will work with the flute really well. In fact, I'd make two changes right off to really give us a chance to concentrate on the tune. The first is that at the end of bar 5 I'd give both the flute and violin half notes so the phrase doesn't end so abruptly. Then I'd repeat the melody but in the viola and alter the cello pizz. part so it aligns with the melody harmonically. It will only mean some small note changes and a bar of new music in bars 6-10. Then I'd keep the flute and cello pretty much as they are in the next 4 bars or so but simplify the violin and viola parts. Right now they obscure the flute melody because they are too active and compete with it, distracting the listener. Give them longer notes (half notes, dotted halves and quarters, for instance) and let us concentrate on the moving cello and the melody in the flute. I'd also try to extend this section a bit. Later in the piece you can make things as complex as you have it now in bars 10-13, but it's too soon for that. One small point: a violin will have a hard time playing that triple-stop in bar 14. If you want that chord, give the lowest note to the viola.

This is a good start, Thyme. You have a very strong melody and a good sense of harmony. Now if you can give the piece a chance to breathe and develop a bit more slowly, spreading things out a little bit, it will be more effective and you'll have a better idea where to go next. I look forward to your first revision.

Best wishes,

Erik Nielsen

Comment to the Composer by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Thyme,

Thanks for posting your first revision. I really like what you've done, especially in bars 6-18. The long notes in the upper strings help to fill in the texture without getting in the way of the two more important parts.

In fact, the only thing I need to write about (besides encouraging you to keep up the good work) is the viola part. What you have in bars 6-24 is really a violin part in terms of range. It's really too high to be comfortable on the viola and you'll note that it's often above the violin in bars 14-17. You have a couple of choices as far as I can see. First, you can drop the entire part an octave starting in bar 6 and keeping it that way through bar 17. This will make the melodic sound lower and darker and you would have to decide whether you liked that or not. The difficulty with this approach is that there will be several places where the line will go below the cello and will change the harmonic sound as a result and may sound a bit muddy. The better choice in bars 6-13 is to give the line to the violin. Then in bar 17 drop the F# an octave in the viola part to put it in better range. Bars 6-13 sound like a violin part anyway. One slightly more radical solution is to change the viola part to a second violin part since nothing you've written is too low for a violin anyway. However, the sound of the piece will be a bit different so you'll need to consider that.

Thyme, musically everything is moving along very well, so if you can decide how to solve this problem of register you can then go on to continue developing the piece further. You have a lovely sound and I look forward to the next revision.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment to the Composer by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Thanks for posting the latest revision of your piece for flute and string trio. It continues to make steady progress. Lowering the viola part has definitely made a difference and improved the sound of that section. I also like the little transition you've put in bars 19 and 20.

I have a few things for you to think about. The first is that I think in bars 10-11 in viola and cello and then again in bars 14-16 in the same instruments there's too much octave writing. The cello part doesn't need its notes reinforced in this way, so I'd suggest you think about finding different pitches for the viola half notes as you do in bars 12-13 and 17. Second, I think the violin in bars 14-18 is too low. In the previous version of the piece it was up an octave and I think that will work better than the present rendition where it keeps bumping into the viola. It won't get in the way of the flute even up an octave since the flute is so much more active.

The final thing is to figure out where this is going. One thing to consider is dynamics and articulations which will add a lot to the piece. Another area to think about is the flute part. Each time it enters starting in bar 10 it plays the same two bars over and over. They are very effective played twice, but after that we need to hear some variety in the part or the music will seem to stand still and I don't think you want that. Thyme, so much of this is going so well that I'm sure you can figure out ways to make the flute part develop more as it goes along to match the developing strings. Admittedly, they develop by adding parts and the flute is only one line, so you'll have to find ways of varying the pitches and rhythms as the part goes along to keep it alive and interesting. This is fine work you're doing, so I'm sure you can figure out a way to do this as well. I look forward to your next revision.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment to the Composer by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Thyme,

Thanks so much for posting your latest revision. This is an improvement. Your use of the violin up higher in bars 14-18 makes a big difference in the sound, as do your changes in the viola part in 10-11 and 14-16. The changes in flute in bars 14-15 made the piece much more effective, so I hope you'll consider doing something similar in bars 21-24.

I have a few things to suggest, all of them quite small. First, I noted the chord letter names you've included in bars 14-16 and 21-23. If you want the D chords in particular to be effective, I'd suggest you change the viola E to a D in bars 15 and 26 to eliminate clashes. Try it and I think you'll find it sounds better.

In addition, you have a few clashes I didn't point out earlier. I'd suggest you change the four viola eighth notes in the second half of bar 7 to better match the cello part to AF or something similar. You also have clashes which need fixing on the second half of beats 2 and 4 in bar 6, the second half of beat 2 in bar 9. The second half of the bar also sounds awkward with all those fourths (E above B, etc.) so you might want to do something about those as well.

Finally, the new section confuses me in that the flute has pizz. marked above it. That's a mark for strings so I'm not sure what it's doing there. Other than that, Thyme, I'd just say to keep up the good work, try to vary the flute part some more and keep developing the piece. I look forward to your next posting.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment to the Composer by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Thyme,

Thanks for posting the latest version of your quartet. I'm glad to see you have worked the piece toward a conclusion. This is going to be an effective work and I really like the changes from arco to pizz in the strings especially.

I have one suggestion for the ending. After all the wonderful tutti work it's a bit strange to drop out the upper strings and only have a duet at the end, but I think it can work if you extend it one bar and tie over the flute and cello for one more bar. For that final bar fill in the G major chord with a violin and viola note, such as a D above middle C in viola and a B above middle C in violin. That will give the piece the duet for the final phrase but get everyone else in for the ending. Try it and see what you think.

I'm afraid there are still some clashes which would be as well to fix. I missed some of them last time and I think you did as well. Here they are: bar 6 second half of beat 2, viola A vs. cello G; same bar C vs. B in final eighth of bar; bar 9, unison line in viola and cello DCB which will work better as thirds (the music sounds very thin there because of the unison and isn't effective); bar 20 and 24 , D vs. D flat on 4th eighth note, violin and viola; bar 22, A flat vs. G in viola and violin 2nd eighth; bar 26, 2nd eighth, A flat vs. G, flute and cello; bar 28, 4th eighth, D flat vs. D, flute and cello. Finally, why drop out the instruments one at a time in bar 18? It will be more effective to give all the strings a half note or dotted half. In addition, the flute decrescendo needs a final dynamic mark at the end of the decrescendo there and the effect will work even better if the note is tied over to a quarter or eighth note in the next bar.

Thyme, if you can make these little changes I think the piece will be really finished. You have done a fine job and worked hard. Congratulations. I look forward to your final posting.

Best wishes,

Erik

Dear Thyme,

This works much better now. This is a very enjoyable piece to listen to. You've worked hard. Congratulations on a job well done. I look forward to working with you again soon.

Best wishes,

Erik