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Three Moods
by Steven Tatum, grade 12, North Country Union High School
Teacher: Anne Hamilton

Comment posted by Mike Close, composer mentor:

Hi Steven,

Great work with your quartet!

One question, is there a difference in articulation in the cello part between m. 4 and m. 9? If not, you should write those rhythms in the same way.

I think planning out the over-all structure of your piece before you write is an excellent idea. To have an idea of where your piece is going will definitely guide you as you write note-by-note. You could start by plotting your piece out on paper (note cards work well for this because you can move them around), then you might consider sketching out ideas for each section.

In this first section I feel like we need to settle into some kind of groove. What I've heard so far sounds introductory to me, as if you are leading up to the main section. We have heard melodic fragments, but not a sustained melody. Ideas are repeated, but not in such a way that they could stand on their own as a main idea as of yet. Perhaps in the coming measures you could settle into an ostinato that melodies could be layered on top of.

I'm looking forward to the next installment. Keep up the good writing!

-Mike Close

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the first installment of your quartet. The instrumentation is very interesting and I think you have a good feel for the individual voices and the ensemble as a whole. I also think you've got a strong theme as played by the oboe in bars 13-20. You've shown a good sense of how to use the melodic minor and also a good sense of counterpoint. This is a good start.

Let me try to answer your questions first with another question (don't you just hate it when someone does this?): how long do you project each movement to be? We usually like to keep Opus pieces in the 3-4 minute range so we can make them relatively easy to rehearse and play and can get more into the concert, so you'll need to keep this in mind. While I don't think it hurts and may in fact help your writing to get an idea of what the entire three-movement piece will look and sound like when it's done, I wouldn't spend too much time or detail on this. Key, general mood, tempo, general material (scales, perhaps a rudimentary rhythmic idea) but not much more. The reason I write this is that given your relative lack of experience and lack of finished pieces, the best thing for you would be to complete one movement before spending too much time on planning others. After all, what good will it do to plan out the whole thing if you don't complete one movement? Not only that, but you'll get a good idea where to go next once you've completed the first movement. So that's my two cents on that.

My own feeling is that you do in fact have a usable theme right now in the oboe. I'd just try to spend a bit more time with it in the other instruments before moving on. The violin motive in bars 31 and 32 is loaded with dramatic potential, so I'd say to follow it along, but try to do a bit more with what you have in the first 30 bars before doing that. One thing to note about what you have so far is the very heavy preponderance of i-V without much else going on harmonically. I'd suggest trying out some secondary substitutions and perhaps some phrases which emphasize other chords. This will give us several views of the thematic material and will enrich the section.

Two more things. First, Mike's right about that rhythmic idea in bars 4 and 9. I don't see any real difference between the two, so I'd write them the same way. The second thing is that there are some voice-leading errors which really stand out in a traditionally tonal piece. Here they are: parallel octaves going from bar 25 to 26 (I'd alter the cello; we don't need two voices going C to B natural); 30 to 31 same thing in oboe and bassoon; also in the same place, is there a musical reason to have everyone land on a C in bar 31? It makes the texture really bare. You also have a bunch of Corelli clashes (C vs. B) early in the piece, but that kind of adds to the 17th-century sound.

Steven, I think your piece is off to a strong start. I'd say not to spend too much time on the really big picture, but to figure out how to make this movement work as a higher priority. There's plenty to do just on this movement and you'll get great satisfaction and momentum from completing it. Anyway, I look forward to your first revision.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Mike Close, composer mentor:

Hi Steven,

Great work with your revisions! Your new transition at m. 27 is excellent. Now I feel like your piece is really going places. I also think that you’re on the right track with what you’ve written around m. 40- taking your existing material and using it to take you to new places harmonically. It sounds like you’re headed for a development section.

You might try inverting the dotted rhythm in the violin at some key moments. So, instead always coming on the “and” of two, it could come on the down beat here and there.

Keep up the good work!

-Mike Close

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the first revision of your piece. You've made progress. I really like what you've done with the dotted idea, especially the ending. I think it's possible that if you can fill in a bit more, the length of this piece may work out very well, especially if you can come up with one or two contrasting movements.

When I said "fill in" I meant it quite literally. If you look at what you have so far I think you'll agree that there's very little tutti. The first time is in bars 29-30 and that's only for slightly more than 2 bars. Note the violin idea in bars 24-30. It's effective and yet simple and doesn't detract from the moving parts. Keep that in mind for the rest of the piece, especially in bars 9-22 where you could use everyone. The piece is short enough that you don't want to wait to long before you introduce the sound of the entire ensemble.

I think right now if you keep the piece as it is you can get away with so much i-V IF you introduce some more harmonic variety (going into E flat, for instance) in bars 45-56. However, watch out for voice leading issues. There are some spots that need attention because of parallelism or too much use of one pitch. There are parallel octaves going from bar 20 to 21 in violin and cello. I'd give the violin an F in bar 28 so everyone doesn't play A flat. I'd give the violin a G on the first space above the staff on the downbeat of 31 to fill out the chord and avoid a parallel octave with cello. I'd give the oboe a quarter note F on the second beat of bar 42 to avoid a parallel 5th going into the next bar with bassoon. I'd give the oboe an E flat on the downbeat of 67 and a D on the second beat of 69 to avoid a parallel unison with violin going into the next bar. I'd also fix the rhythm in cello in bar 16, beat 2 to make it the same as the rest of the bars in terms of the printed figure.

Steven, I think you've consolidated a lot in this revision so that the piece now has a coherent direction. Now if you can fill in, give some variety in the blank section and be careful about voice leading, you can just about finish this movement by the next revision. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the latest revision of your quartet. Yes, I agree that the piece is really coming together. Most of what you've done works really well and I think that the changes needed now are relatively minor.

Let me try to answer your questions. Yes, most of your voice leading works well now. The only exception I can find is in bars 52-53 with parallel fifths between bassoon and violin which is quite audible because of the doubled E flat. You can fix it quite easily by giving the violin a C on the downbeat of 53. It will make the violin line more interesting there as well. There is one other voice-leading issue and it occurs going from bar 60 to 61 where there is a parallel octave between cello and violin. Bar 61 is also a problem because it sounds bare with only the pitch C on the downbeat in all three parts. So I'd give that place some attention.

Yes, the pizz./arco change works well and is very doable. I find the change at 55 a bit too abrupt for one reason: it stops what to me sounds like an incomplete progression. I'd like to hear a iv-V-VI or iv-V-i before the interruption. As it is now it sounds a bit arbitrary to me.

I'd also love to hear a bit more done with the section with the lovely oboe line in bars 39-49. I think it could be developed more or at the very least have an answering line in the violin. As it is now it's quite isolated and its implications are never followed up or realized. So give that a little thought.

Steven, this is really coming along. I know you want to move on to the other movements and I think you're just about ready to do that as long as you can take care of the little voice-leading issues and also the two spots which I mentioned as being in need of development. I'm glad you have a plan for the other two movements. It will make progress easier for you. I look forward to your next installment.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Mike Close, composer mentor:

Hi Steven,

Nice work with your revisions. I like the new harmonies and the way the phrases flow from one to the next.

In addition to the voice leading issues that Erik pointed out you should also take a look at m. 45. The dramatic high E in the oboe is doubled by a jump up to an E in the violin. Perhaps you could find a way to avoid this hidden octave.

The stop at m. 47 seemed a little abrupt to me. Perhaps consider adding a short down beat at m. 47.

Measures 38 and 39 seem a little redundant to my ear. Perhaps you could cut out m. 38 and 39, going straight into m. 40. Also, did you get a chance to experiment with changing the violin rhythm in places? Simply inverting the eighth, dotted sixteenth, thirtysecond pattern to dotted sixteenth/ thirtysecond eighth could be nice punctuation to important moments in your piece.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to your next revision.

-Mike Close

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the latest version of your quartet. Yes, you have fixed everything and the answering line in violin works very well in bars 49-53 and the chord progression which follows is a big improvement. I'm also glad to see you've started the next movement. I await further developments.

Sorry, there's one little voice-leading issue I never noticed before, a parallel octave between oboe and cello going from bar 20 to bar 21. One possible solution would be to give the cello a melodic minor line: G A natural B natural then back down to G before rising to the C in 21. That's just one possibility. Other than that you're all set as far as I can see and I look forward to seeing new material next time.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks so much for posting the second movement of your quartet. This is terrific progress. The movement is in really good shape and according to my timing, the two movements end up at about 2'45", so a short third movement ought to work very well.

I only have a few things to mention about this movement, since it's got dynamics and articulations already. The first is that you might want to consider altering harmony in bar 8 so we don't seem to go back to bar 6, if you see what I mean. Having two G minor chords in 3 bars will make things seem a bit static. Second, in bar 12 there is a parallel fifth between oboe and bassoon on the second half of the second beat. You can avoid it by giving the oboe a half note and switching to the E flat on beat 3. That sets it rhythmically against the violin and cello, but that might be a good thing. Try it and see what you think. Finally, it might be nice to do two things in 15-21. First, give the oboe either the first or second statement of the line in bars 16-19 so that there is an echo in effect between oboe and violin. Second, activate the accompaniment just a bit, making some of the whole notes halves with two quarters using neighbor note motion or some other simple device to keep the other voices a bit more alive than they are right now.

That's it, Steven. This has some really lovely music in it and forms a fine contrast to the first movement. Your third movement plan sounds good so go to it! I look forward to seeing the entire piece in your next posting.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Mike Close, composer mentor:

Hi Steven,

Your piece is sounding great. Just a few things to think about: Do you have all the slurs you want? For example, in m. 15 I think the cello part might sound nice with the sixteenth notes slurred. Perhaps listen trough the parts on their own with this in mind- It can’t hurt.

Also, sometimes I feel like you could shape the ostinato parts with crescendi, etc. – especially where the patterns break. For example, in m. 43, do you want the violin sixteenth notes on beat two to crescendo in to the next bar? Do you want the ostinato parts at 49 to stay at exactly the same dynamic level until 54?

It’s sounding great. Keep it up!

-Mike Close

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the latest revision of your quartet. This ought to work well. Your revised second movement is lovely.

I think the third movement ought to be fine once you've finished it. I think the violin octaves and 9ths ought to be okay, though I wouldn't write them any lower. With strings, the higher the pitch, the closer the fingers and the easier the leap.

As for slurs, yes, two (or three or four) notes with a slur sign over them are bowed with the same bow. However, when it's the same pitch as in bars 49-50 in the first movement it makes no sense to me. I'm also unsure about your intent with the cello notes in bars 4-6 and 9. When there's a slur over a phrase like the violin part in 51-52 it becomes less possible as a slur and more a phrasing mark. Hope this answers your question.

I also hope you can end the third movement with a bang. This is a fine piece, Steven, and it would be great to end it in fitting manner. I'll check again tomorrow.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Congratulations. Your progress as a composer in this piece is very impressive. Your piece, "Three Moods" has been selected for Opus 16. I've been asked to help you with score preparation. I will go through the piece bar by bar, noting things which need to be changed or corrected.

First, each movement ought to have a Roman numeral above the beginning of the movement. Next, move the tempo mark at the beginning either below the Allegretto or more to the right so it doesn't bump into it. I usually put all marks like legato or marcato above the part, but you've got it with the dynamic mark at the beginning so I think that will work. In bar 4 the violin needs a whole rest. In addition, the violin and oboe will need cues for their first entrances. I'd paste in bars 11-12 from cello in each part as voice 2 with "vc" marked above it and the notes and rests made cue size. I'd also give the oboe a cue from bassoon in bar 27 and one from violin in 37.

In bar 30 and 31 in violin the dynamics need to be lowered so they don't bump into the note beams. In addition the cello crescendo in 29-30 needs to be lowered a bit (so it lines up with the f in 31) and also extended one more note. At 35 the violin crescendo needs to be horizontally aligned with the decrescendo. At 38 move over the espressivo so it doesn't bump into the mp in oboe. In 42 you have "cresc." in oboe and in 43 a crescendo mark. Either begin the mark at 42 or eliminate it as we don't need both. You need a destination dynamic for violin at 44 and also at 46.

At 49 the cello doesn't need pp as it's already pp. In violin in the same bar move cresc. to the right a bit and arco up a bit so they don't bump into other things. Also, what's your thinking with the violin slur mark (or is it a legato mark) in 49-50? Does the violin not arrive at f when the others do at 54? If not, it's a really long crescendo from mf to f. In bassoon the dim. needs a dynamic at the end of bar 57 and a new dynamic at 61 but no bass clef as it's already in bass clef. At 66 I'd give the oboe p as it's been out for a bar.

In the second movement, move the Rubato over to the left more. In bars 1-3 I'd give oboe a dotted quarter note rather than eighth tied to a quarter at the end of each bar and in 4 I'd open the bar with a quarter rather than two tied eighths. In 1-2 I'd give the cello a single slur for all the notes in the bar. At 5 the oboe needs a half rest, not 2 quarters.

At 15 what's the morendo dying to? You give no new dynamic until an mp in oboe at 18 which is louder than the p so I'd clarify that with a destination dynamic mark somewhere in there in all parts. In violin I'd have the slur in 20 extend over the whole note in 21 as well. I'd also give the final note in all parts a destination dynamic.

At movement 3 I'd begin numbering the bars at 1, not continue them from the previous movement. At 24 and 26 in oboe and violin you need destination dynamics. At 29 there needs to be a quarter rest on beat 2 in violin and cello. The violin and cello also need dynamic marks at their entrances at 32 and 34, respectively. I'd also paste in the bassoon part as voice 2 in cello in bar 33 as a cue. In 34 the oboe needs a destination dynamic. I'd also paste in the cello part at 40 into the oboe and violin as a cue.

What are the dynamic levels for oboe and violin at 41 and for bassoon and cello at 45? Where does the crescendo in bassoon and cello, begun at 55, end? You also need to back the crescendo in oboe and violin to the left to just the end of 57 and put in a dynamic for the downbeat of 58 in both parts. Also, at what level do oboe and violin begin at 60 and why are they louder at 61 through the end than bassoon and cello?

There, I think that's it. You made my job a lot easier by being so specific with dynamics and articulations, Steven. Do feel free to tweak the final movement if you wish between now and the end of the week. However, I'd love to see any changes by mid-week so I can proof them. Your last posting, marked Opus16finalfinal, is due up on Friday the 11th. Let me know if you have any questions.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Steven,

Thanks for posting the final version of your quartet. This looks really good. Thanks for taking the time to do this. It will make a difference in rehearsal and make for a better performance on the 30th. I really look forward to hearing it then!

Best wishes,

Erik