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Bells
by Gabrielle, grade 8, Maple Street School
Teacher: Leslie Upchurch

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

What a surprising piece! When I looked at it before playing it, I thought there were too many long notes to be effective, but I was wrong! You have really created a very powerful atmosphere of bells with the left hand part and with each new entrance you have added new melodic and rhythmic interest. I especially like the piano right hand part, which has some rests in unexpected places. I also think the trumpet part is effective for its first phrase.

I have a few suggestions. The first is that you get the trumpet up a bit higher in the next section to build some tension and excitement. I understand that you don't want the piece to sound like a fast dance or full of fireworks, but still the piece needs to reach some sort of climax before it starts settling down in order to be effective. Make sure that the trumpet and piano right hand don't have the same pitches when they play. Since the parts have so few notes, it is important to have as much pitch variety as possible so the parts keep their independence. The only place I didn't find effective so far is in bar 28 where both the trumpet and piano right hand went to an A. You could put the trumpet up on a C or D there and it would make the parts sound more independent. If you decide to move the trumpet up in your next section, you can go as high as a high A if you wish without the trumpeter having a hard time.

Another suggestion has to do with the piano left hand part. It follows a 13 measure phrase, which is unusual and interesting. However, the other parts always end after bar 11 or 12 of the phrase and it sounds to me as if there is just one bar too many in the left hand which doesn't really do anything. It seems to make the piece stop in its tracks. See what happens if you cut out that one last D whole note in each phrase. I think you'll see what I mean, that the piece moves better without it.

One final point has to do with notation: in the trumpet in bars 27-29 you have several eighth notes tied to quarter notes. It will be much easier for the trumpeter to read if those tied notes are written instead as dotted quarter notes.

In any case, this piece is off to a very interesting start and I look forward to the next installment.

Best wishes, Erik Nielsen

Comment posted by Michael Close, teacher and composer mentor:

Hi Gabrielle,

Thanks for submitting “Bells.” You’ve established a nice mood here. To make the piano part even more bell like I would suggest using the sustain pedal, this way the notes will ring longer, as would a bell. I live in the center of Burlington where there is an abundance of churches every hour I hear the bells ring from four or five different churches. One thing I’ve noticed is that they never, sync up exactly. One bell bongs a little later, or a little sooner, or a little longer, or shorter. As the piece reaches the apex of the bell curve and the texture theoretically should be at its thickest you could be layering several different bell bongs on top of one another. You might even consider having some of the bells toll in different keys if you are feeling adventurous. Keep it up!

-Mike Close

Comment posted by Timothy Bowlby, composer mentor:

Gabrielle:

You've made an excellent start on your piece. It very effectively evokes the sound of bells. Good work.

Bells come in different sizes, from very large to downright tiny. The small ones play higher pitches than the big ones, as you well know. You could apply that idea in your piece by giving the material you have in the left hand to the right hand by transposing it up an octave -- or some other interval, it's up to you, and giving what the right hand has to the left or maybe the trumpet.

Redistribution and/or transposition of parts are easy ways to generate lots of music, so try them and see what you come up with.

Keep up the great work. I'll look forward to further installments.

-- Tim Bowlby --

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

Thanks so much for posting the latest version of "Bells". You've really made progress. I think the new section with the higher trumpet part increases the tension in the piece and makes it more interesting.

I have a few suggestions regarding the new section. First, be careful about how much D you have. Right now both piano and trumpet have an octave D in 29, 32, 34-35 and 37. The first and last bars begin and end the phrase, so you can get away with it, but the rest add up to an awful lot of the same pitch. There isn't a lot going on rhythmically, so pitch variety is really needed to keep the listener's interest. Think about changing some of the Ds to other pitches. The same goes for bar 30, where you have B flat in both the trumpet and right hand of the piano. As I mentioned last time, when there aren't a lot of notes each one takes on more importance, so variety is especially important.

Also one notational point: never put a half note on the second half of a beat. You need to re-write the trumpet part in 32 from quarter-eighth-half-eighth rest to quarter-2 eighths with the second tied to a dotted quarter note, then the eighth rest.

Where to now? I'll be very interested to see what you do. You may need some more rhythmic activity, but it's up to you. I look forward to the next revision.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Jeff Perrin, composer mentor:

Hi Gabrielle,

Very nice work on you composition! I just wanted to mention that when adding in your dynamics, maybe you could experiment with crescendo and decrescendo "hairpins." I believe these types of volume changes may work well for your slow tempo as opposed to any sudden changes.

I meant to ask you about what you meant when you said you were going to "repeat what I have" but it is clear now. Nicely done.

Jeff Perrin

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

Congratulations! You have written a very interesting and distinctive piece and I think everyone will get the title very quickly once the piece starts playing. I like the dissonances you have in the middle and the interplay between trumpet and piano is much more successful now that you have varied the pitch selection more. The mirror return to the opening is also very effective. I like your fade-out dynamics at the end. I will be interested to hear the piece with its full dynamics and pedal marks.

A couple of small notational issues you'll want to take care of. First, it is much easier to read a half rest on beat 1 than 2 quarter rests, so you'll want to change that in bars 15-16, 23, 27-28, 39-40, 43-44, 47-48 and 55, all in the piano right hand. Also, in bar 11 and 12 the whole rest in the right hand should appear in the middle of the bar.

That's it. Well done. Congratulations again.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by UI Trifecta, University of Illinois School of Music student online composition critique group:

Gabrielle,

In our class, we had a look at your piece and we were all very impressed with what you've done. You've had a lot of comments so far about the form and notational nitty-gritty in your piece, but we'd like to comment on how you use piano as an instrument.

In a piece that sounds like bells, there are some things that you can have a pianist do that you've probably never heard. For instance, if you're working with a grand piano, it's easy for a pianist to reach into the instrument and touch a really low string at a special point called a "node" and play the key it corresponds to with the opposite hand. If you find the right node, it can sound like a really huge bell when you stand close to it. There isn't an easy way to notate this in the score. Scott used to be a composition major, and whenever he wrote stuff like this on piano, he put a plus sign over the note he wants pressed and makes a footnote at the bottom of the page about what the symbol means. We really like what you have so far, but we think this could be a helpful tool in future pieces you do.

As for a more traditional comment, at measure 36, we noticed that you marked the trumpet "fff" and you used a block G-minor triad in the left hand of the piano, which was followed by a D. The block chord can sound really dense in that range of the piano. This can be either good or bad depending on how you treat the material around it. A nice thundering chord on beat 4 right before the restatement of the melody could be really effective, but when it's followed by a single D in the left hand, it's as if the cheese stands alone. You might follow up the block chord in the left hand with some octave D's to give this really loud part of the piece some force in the piano to back it up. However, if you're more set on having the D as it is, you might consider finding a way to reduce the block chord to something less fierce.

You have an awesome piece on your hands, and we think there are many possibilities of expanding it into something really grand. Keep up the good work!

Matt Kutylo & Scott Gercken University of Illinois

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

Thanks for posting your final view of "Bells". You've worked hard developing and refining your initial idea and now have a very effective piece. I especially like a small touch you have added recently, the short trumpet solo in bar 36. It's the only place where the left hand in the piano rests and as a result it's very effective. I also like some of the cumulative effects you have achieved through the use of pedal in the piano.

There are just a few small questions I have regarding dynamics that I think you need to resolve. First, you have no opening dynamic level. The pianist will want to know how loudly or softly to play at the beginning. Second, in bar 10 there is an unnecessary f in the left hand (it's already at forte). Third, at both 27 and 39 there is an f under a right hand rest. If you mean it for the right hand, move it under the note near the end of the bar, otherwise it's confusing. If you mean it for the left hand, put it under the left hand part as you've done elsewhere in the piece.

That's it. Congratulations again. I look forward to your next piece.

Best wishes,

Erik

Comment posted by Patricia Morehead, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

You have a wonderful sense of proportion and musical flow in your piece for trumpet and piano. I get the sense of distant bells becoming more present and then fading into the distance at the end. How well you have captured the sound of bells in your piece. Congratulations.

Sincerely, Patricia Morehead

Comment posted by Erik Nielsen, composer mentor:

Dear Gabrielle,

Thanks for posting the final version of your piece. It looks good. I'm writing too late for you to fix a couple of small things, so just be prepared for the following questions from your performers. Is there to be a decrescendo in bar 29 in both parts to get from ff to f (or, in the case of the piano, f to mf)? In 32 in the trumpet, is the mf to go with the note F# or E? In 33 do you want a crescendo in the trumpet to increase to the next dynamic level in 34? Do you want a decrescendo in the trumpet in 36? If you know the answers to these questions BEFORE you go into rehearsal you'll save a lot of time.

See you there.

Best wishes,

Erik